Lemas

Kawan baik saya terpaksa mengakhiri perhubungan cinta yang telah berputik berkembang bagai selama 5 tahun kerana telah mendapat tentangan hebat daripada ibubapa keluarga lelaki ittew. Macam haram. Mengapakah perkara seperti ini masih berlaku ye?

Si perempuan datang daripada keluarga sederhana sahaja. Manakala si lelaki adalah anak kepada seorang VIP. Adakah perbezaan darjat masih berpengaruh dalam pemilihan anak menantu di zaman moden ini?

Masalah dengan keluarga mertua bukan lah baru bagi saya. Sebelum berkahwin lagi saya telah mengalirkan airmata ribuan kali kerana kata-kata yang terkeluar daripada mulut ibu mertua saya. Hazab uols. Apatah lagi selepas menjadi isteri, serangan yang datang daripada keluarga Ij agak bertubi-tubi dan tak masuk akal langsung.

Kawan saya ini masih tidak boleh menerima kenyataan yang kisah cinta beliau telah tamat walaupun kerana paksaan. Kesian kan. Masih lagi beliau berharap agar perkara ini boleh diubah, diperbaiki. Ye lah tu. Saya telah nasihatkan beliau agar lupakan saja si lelaki ittew. Bukan apa uols, it doesn’t get any better. And then she said, “at least you get to be with the man you love”. Pft. If you really need to work so hard to make your relationship work, it has to be worth your time. To me, fighting other obstacles is acceptable, but fighting MIL? Lagi-lagi yang Melayu. Come on. Buang masa aje uols.

Maka beberapa hari yang lepas, kawan saya ini telah menulis sepucuk surat, nak ditujukan kepada emak si lelaki lah konon nya. NO sayang was my reply to her.

Kenapakah? Kerana saya juga telah menghantar email dan sms kepada mertua saya. Penat je uols nak explain bagai, it ended up being purposely misinterpreted. Menambahkan sakit hati aje. Selepas beribu attempt untuk membaikpulih hubungan agak tak berapa berjaya, saya telah mengambil keputusan untuk ignore sahaja mereka. Walaupun hati terasa bersalah bagai nak rak, jiwa ini terus ketenangan uols. With that, I also learned that they don’t actually care.

Mengapakah?

Ladies, first of all, you should understand that the attacks have nothing to do with you. Seriously, mereka tak peduli pun anda sakit hati ke, bahagia ke, merana ke, makan ke, tak makan ke. Anda mungkin tertanya-tanya, jika tak peduli, kenapa kata macam-macam?

Ha. Pertama. Sindrom Monica Geller. I’m going to love you so much that no one is going to be good enough for you. Begitu lah kata-kata Monica kepada anak lelaki nya Jack Bing.

Saya tak ada anak. Tapi saya faham lah, jika saya ada anak lelaki, saya akan sayang gila babs sampai saikohell. Bila dia ada girlfriend nanti, mula lah rasa serba tak kena. Ye lah kita jaga dia seumur hidup, of course kita rasa dan sentiasa mahu jadi yang terbaik like tiada tolok bandingan nya. Masa ini lah rasa semua orang tak cukup bagus untuk anak kita. Yang bagus kita aje lah, forever and ever.

Jika dia dah beristeri, kita tetap nak jadi lebih baik dari isteri dia kan. Apa saje si isteri dia buat, memang cikai je di mata kita. No competition lah bak kata orang. Jadi wahai kawanku, jikalau anda berkahwin dengan lelaki ittew pun, masalah ini tetap akan ada selama-lamanya. Yang macam ini di panggil sindrom Marie Barone. Yang cenggini memang berani mati uols. Don’t play play.

Yang kedua. All they want is for their sons to be around. All the time if possible. Seriously, they pick on you not because they don’t like you. Mereka tak puashati lah, anak lelaki yang sorang ni jarang balik, jarang telefon. Tetapi oleh kerana perasaan sayang, mereka tak boleh nak marah anak sendiri, jadi nya tempias lah kat si isteri. Kenapa tak marah je anak sendiri, anda kata?

Cenggini, apabila suami/ boyfriend anda ada perempuan lain, anda marah bagai nak rak kan? Kalau boleh nak baling lah asid bagai kat muka perempuan puaka panggilan neraka ittew. Tetapi anda masih terima si suami/ boyfriend kan. Kerana apa? Kerana sayang lah konon. Marah kat lelaki kejap je. Marah kat perempuan lahanat tu sampai ke mati. Mengapakah? Padahal si janz tu yang gatal merenyam, ha baling lah acid kat dia. Perempuan tu entah-entah tataw pun si janz dah kawin ke apa ke.

Nombor 3. Sindrom Raymond Barone. I like to be taken care of. Maybe I want someone like my mother. Ish simpang uols, jangan lah pilih jejanz yang cenggini. Sakit jantung uols.

Kesimpulan nya, saya faham perasaan kawan ku ittew. Kita ingat di zaman moden ini, takde dah la yang narrow-minded, apatah lagi di kalangan keluarga ternama dan berpelajaran. Non ado uols. Nasihat ku kepada wanita-wanita yang dah terlajak kahwin dan forever makan hati dengan mertua masing-masing, IGNORANTES je lah. Yang belum terlajak tu, angkat kaki cabut lah sekarang ye. Tiada yang terbaik daripada ittew. Serious.

Dan tak perlu lah bersusah payah nak mengexplain ke hantar surat ke apa ke. Kita tak buat salah, kenapa nak kena minta maaf? If anyone should explain and apologize, it would be the parents. Explain why you are treating me badly. Explain why you think I’m not good enough for your son.

Kepada jejanz, rajin-rajin la menjenguk emak masing-masing supaya emak anda tidak menyusahkan pasangan anda kelak.

Oh baby baby II

The recent comment on ‘baby’ reminded me of the many stupid things I’ve done when I was young.

Pa and Mee, haha seriously? Macam kesiyal.

Additional evidence of retardation:

1. Naming my our unborn child. Pft.
2. Collecting soft toys from McDonalds. And parading them on my bed. Nice.
3. Wearing a t-shirt with the word ‘Backroom’ on it. In my defense, Backroom was the Studio 54 of KL. Teehee.
4. Meeting guys from the net. But hey, I ended up marrying one.

There must be more, but I can’t seem to recall. Age is catching up you see.

Funny how stupidity helps you get wiser.

On a side note, my MIL still calls FIL ‘Dy’ as in Daddy. Pretty sad you might say haha. But as long as it’s not ‘Bee’ or ‘Baby’, we think we can restrain ourselves from puking.

Babyyyyyy nak kopiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?

Aiyo.

_________________________________________________________

It’s the 9^th already in Malaysia. Today is a special day for a special friend. She is getting married to a guy who is one of the nicest people I’ve met in my life.

Gambar blur saya ini dipilih dengan sengaja oleh tuan punya blog.

Ja is going to be someone’s wife. I can’t believe it.

When Ja and Chuck first started dating, they used to address each other as ‘Baby’. Haha. And then people (including myself, not a surprise) began to make fun of the namanja (nama manja). True we were assholes. Eventually, Ja and Chuck stopped calling each other that and replacing it with ‘You’. How sweet.

You, you nak kopi?

Ah, much better.

Not everyone can get sarcasm right, particularly when you are defensive by nature. Which is unfortunate because in Malaysia people are being brought up in a sensitive environment; politically, religiously, and unnecessarily. Hence the need to protect oneself from everything and sometimes nothing. Defensive in Malaysia equals to counter-attack/ offend. Non-existence issue like paip bocor in Batu Gajah was treated like the Proposition 8 in the States. Eh, saya tak mahu ditangkap ISA ye.

I heart diplomacy. If you have it, then I heart you too.

Anyway, Ja and Chuck, you guys rock my socks. Chuck especially, is the epitome of modern Melayu. Love it.

Have a great non-stressful wedding guys, because soon after you are going to get stressed every damn day.

And, we’re sorry we made you stop ‘Baby-ing’ each other. Hehe.

Much love.

L u c k y

An entry in Malay is overdue. If only. If only saya tak malas seperti kucing gemuk. Untuk pengetahuan anda, menulis dalam bahasa kebangsaan adalah amat menyeksakan, perlu tenaga untuk memerah otak secara maksima. Itu bagi saya lah kerana saya dah senja dan otak kian lembap. Kita cuba lagi di kemasukan (entry) yang lain lah ye.

I’m doing this not because it’s the end of the year. And not because everyone else is doing so.

It’s the right time. For 27 years, I’ve never been grateful for whatever it is that I have in my life. So this is for another 27 years, of headaches and heartaches, all of which I hope will make me a better person.

I’M GRATEFUL,

1. For having the family that I have. Although we are as fucked up as the next Hollywood family, we do in fact love and support each other. And the gift that I’ve got, which is the freedom and ability to make my own decisions, is by far the best one anyone has ever given me. Never did they try to make me do things, influence my beliefs, meddle in my relationship(s), making my other loved ones feel unwelcomed – seriously I could not ask for more.
2. For a rather questionable mother, but very intelligent nonetheless. She is hands down, the smartest person I’ve known, and for whatever reasons that people love/ like me so, it all originated from this woman. I have no words to describe how strong she is, how passionate she is, how loving how funny, how the world is truly a better place when she is around. But Mother, just so you know, I picked up smoking from you too.
3. For my father’s creativity and his love for music. Thank you for playing Elvis, Sinatra, The Beatles, Brigette Bardot, Paul Anka, Engelbert Humperdink, Louis Armstrong, Tom Jobim and the likes when I was growing up. Please don’t stop the music.
4. For my small little nose. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t pretty or well-formed. It just, is small. Some people judge (who are you kidding, we all judge) a person by his/her body or the eyes or more weird things I can’t think about. I on the other hand, look at the nose. The huge kembang ones give me sleepless nights. Errr, no offense.
   
5. For refusing to stay in SBP (Sekolah Berasrama Penuh). When you don’t get to escape from your dysfunctional family that much, it really teaches you how to deal with difficult situations. You’d get better at confrontations, and you’d kind of expect crap from people. And learning about boys and sex seems easier. Also, I would not have met my friends had I stayed there.
6. My friends. They are the most wonderful people in the world.
7. My husband. Well, he’s okay. Wait, I don’t give him enough credit I think. For his patience, for his acceptance, for dealing with my difficult – cynical – sarcastic – extremely opiniated self, for his knowledge, for his cooking talent, for clearing my debts, for his undying love towards gadgets, for his stupid pop music, for his cheesiness, for bringing me to Europe, for buying this house that we live in, for taking care of me, for trying to make things work, for his wisdom whenever I give up, for trying to make me happy. I love him (despite the fact that he whines, complains, is moody most of the time, wants me to cook this and that, hangs his smelly pants in the living room, keeps clutter, is an excessive spender, making me leave my cats in KL, and a very bad dresser).
8. To be born and growing up during Che Det’s era, and not some other fucked up politicians we all love to loathe. Bless you.
   
9. My thirst to travel and getting my hands on endless education of the world. And my courage to do so independently.
10. My life. My experiences, my freedom, my mistakes, my consciousness, my confidence, my past relationships, my values, my interests, my dignity, my compassion.

You know, it’s pretty hard  to feel unhappy once you learn how to be grateful. After 27 years, I know that now.

Malèna Scordia

Kita tahu lah kita cantik. Tak perlu jeling2.

Orang yang dah berkahwin ada seribu tiga ratus masalah sebenarnya. Tataw lah mana datang.

Ij dan saya kadang-kadang bergaduh juga. Kadang-kadang ke selalu?

Masalah saya yang paling besar ialah perselisihan faham dengan keluarga Ij. Susah ye. Masa kita muda, banyak lah ketidakpuashatian dengan ibubapa sendiri. Bila dah tua ni dah takda lagi. Tengok-tengok lepas kahwin, dapat pula bonus iaitu satu lagi set ibubapa. Aiyo.

Kita ni berbeza antara satu sama lain. Nak hidup harmoni kena ada persefaham dan penerimaan. Tapi tau aje lah, orang melayu banyak yang emosi dan sensitif. Forever sentap menyentap kan.

Apa kena-mengena dengan Malèna? Eh, suka lah. Bukan blog kau.

Saya telah di-cop tidak menghormati pegangan, nilai dan tradisi keluarga Ij. Perempuan bermasalah katanya. Mana tak sentap?

Seperti yang saya kata tadi, kita berbeza. Saya memang moden dan mungkin agak liberal. Tetapi saya masih ada keluarga dan agama. Saya bukan anak jahat yang memaki hamun ibubapa. Saya bukan perempuan yang tinggalkan Ij di rumah sedangkan saya keluar berparti bersama kawan-kawan. Saya masih bersalam cium tangan dengan orang tua. Yang lelaki tidak lah kerana kita bukan muhrim. Adakah kerana saya tidak bersalam dengan lelaki, maka saya ini tidak hormatkan orang tua? Jahil adat?

Saya diminta untuk tinggalkan bapa saya yang telah berpisah dengan ibu saya keseorang di rumah pada malam raya, semata-mata untuk memenuhi hajat mereka yang mahukan Aidilfitri yang ‘riang ria’. Bapa saya boleh jaga diri sendiri kata mereka. Manusia jenis apakah saya? Dan manusia jenis apakah mereka?

Musyhkil.

Mereka mahu saya hormat kan fahaman mereka. Saya hormat. Cuma jika dipaksa ikut, tolonglah berikan masa. Jika diminta bertudung esok, jangan harap lah. Saya belum sedia dan tak mahu berpura-pura. Oleh itu, cakap lah saya yang bukan-bukan.

Malèna memang selalu jadi bahan bualan. Hiks.

Cantik. Seksi. Tinggal di Sicily. Indah. Suka taw.

Sicily tu apa? Sedih lah.

Tapi bapa saya kata kisah saya macam filem Bollywood. Kalau hero nya ala-ala jelmaan Datuk Shahrukh Khan yang bukan bangla pekerja Shell, kira berbaloi lah. Ini non ado.

Cuba korang google ‘Malèna‘. Keluar gambar poron bagai. Pervs.